What I Want
by Evil-Coconut5
Summary: What happens after you leave some-one at the alter? Bella's journey to herself and to prove that her Daddy is not the only good man left in the world.
1. Chapter 1

What I Want!

AN: My first story has hit a bit of a stall but this one is much more fully formed so let's hope it works out better.

Disclaimer: I own neither characters nor their lives, they own me.

Chapter 1:

'Excuse me Miss, Can I get you a glass of champagne?' The stewardess asked jolting me out of my day dreams.

'… Yes ...please that would be lovely.' Taking the glass form the tray I thought about the last time I drank something other than juice or coffee. Alcohol wasn't good for business it muddled the head and at parties or work functions that was the last thing you want, A glass of wine at the end of the day was one thing but drinking for recreation led down a dangerous path, but what the hell after all I was on my honeymoon without a groom.

I can hear the shouts of 'what the hell?' and 'What do you mean your not getting married?' even now, when I was on a plane soaring over the Atlantic Ocean on my way to Barcelona on a honeymoon that I didn't even want to go on. Barcelona was Jake's idea, he was the one who wanted the luxury experience, I wanted to see the Gaudi houses, 'La Sagrada Famillia', and the basilicas at Montserrat all Jake wanted to do was lie about around the pool and shop on Las Ramblas and ignore the beautiful city we were going to be in. But it is a good thing that we realized it before we got to the 'I do's' we had been living very separate lives for a very long time.

Let me start from the beginning my father is Charlie Swan District Attorney for Seattle, but although he was always busy he was still my daddy. My mom walked out on us when I was four, not old enough to under stand why, just enough to know that she had. My dad filled the hole she left, always there to listen to any problem no matter how trivial, even when he was busy he would put down his pen, or close his laptop and give me every bit of his attention, and he always, always pushed me to do what I wanted, I wonder when I stopped listening to that. Anyway, he never pushed me to be a lawyer instead when I told him I wanted to study English and become an Editor he said, 'If you're sure that's what you want.' He got me through my course work and was the most important thing in my life.

And then just a little before graduation I met Jake. Jacob Black son of Billy Black Seattle's chief of police and long-time friend of my fathers.

And we got along so well, everything was easy we liked the same thing's, we were both driven to achieve the best that we could by single fathers who supported us in whatever we did.

But I stopped listening to my dad and started listening to Jake. 'You should want to be more than just an editor Bells you're so good at it but where will it go, Little Brown has an opening right above where you are in Account management, it could open up so many doors for you.' And so, I moved and worked and lost sight of what I loved about editing.

Life became about management, instead of helping an author shape something in their heads into something for the masses it became about targets and numbers of units sold – I was never good at math in the first place – and all the enjoyment and love of what I did slowly turned into a mind-numbing blur of boredom and beige walls.

I guess it was lucky that I caught Jake out then, lucky I needed just a little proof that what we were doing was right. If I hadn't gone to look for him I never would have caught him with her!

His secretary, how cliché I can just hear the gossip pages calling! He could have at least had the class to go for someone interesting or with a story! But no, his 24-year-old boob jobbed nipped and tucked secretary. Who even needs nipped and tucked at 24!

I would be married to a cheating asshole who had the nerve to blame me!

'If you hadn't lost your spark Bells, what happened? You've just become like a robot, no joy or happiness anymore you just keep moving and don't look down.'

As you can imagine this brought the 'spark' right out of me in an explosion of bile and vitriol that made me feel more alive than I have in years. How sad, -and I do mean the tears kind - that it takes something like this to make me feel like me again.

So, when my daddy finally pulled me off Jake my knuckles bruised and bloody and his face far more resembling a pulp that his usual debonair lawyer slick, I decided it was time to change the picture, so to speak.

I left Jake to deal with the mess he made, after explaining a few choice morsels to our waiting fathers and the 'important' business contacts Jake had invited to our wedding (our wedding and he was going to do business!) informed my boss (yes, even she was there) that I was taking a leave of absence, and on the way to the airport I arranged to have Jake's stuff removed from _My_ house while I was away.

Its time to find myself again, and no I don't mean some yoga, vegan, Buddhist, journey into myself – not that there's anything wrong with that sort of thing. I mean my love of art and architecture, good food that doesn't cost the earth from some pretentious restaurant that's on the front of every magazine because the chef hit it big this week! But my joy in the little things, in the simple and in the people. And then I can go back home and start again.

As I drifted in and out of daydreams I realized that this was the first time I had really been alone since before I met Jake. Holidays, business trips, even girls' weekends were always taken as a couple! When did I lose my independence? When did I become part of one of _those_ couples, I always hated them, was always far too independent to rely on a partner like that. And yet over the last eight years of our relationship we slowly became 'Bella and Jake' or 'Jake and Bella' I lost, me as an independent entity, a person on their own.

Walking through London airport during my layover I reveled in the peace and quiet. No-one standing next to me asking for something, no-one complaining that I was window shopping for things I didn't need, no-one telling me every five minutes that I needed to remember to do something when we got back to town! It was awesome! So awesome that I got cocky and turned my phone back on.

Boy was that a bad idea.150 messages pinged through in a matter of minutes, from friends, family and colleagues, all of whom had attended the wedding, heard all the gory details and now wanted the gossip straight from the horses' mouth. Well they could all just fuck right off! I had no desire to speak to any of them at this precise moment and who knew if I ever would! The next 30 or so messages came from Jake and ended up deleted like the others, there was absolutely no point in talking to him as he didn't even seem to think he had done anything wrong.

I sent him an email instead saying simply,

'I have arranged to have your stuff removed from the house tomorrow and my attorney will become involved if you make any attempt to get in their way. Ben and Angela have agreed to let the removal company in and have a list of stuff to remove form there. If you send me a list of anything I have missed I will send it on to your father as I assume he will be able to get in touch with you.

I won't be around for the next month or so, I have decided it's been far too long since I went away anywhere I wanted to go, if you need anything don't bother contacting me about it.

Bella Swan'

It may have seemed cold and unfeeling, but I was just starting to feel like myself again and I had missed me!

The only message I listened to was from my father, and that was only because I though he might have something important to say.

'Bells, the Boobs gave me the whole story. Don't worry I will take care of everything, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, form any point of view. Take care of yourself and give your old man a call every now and then… I'm proud of you honey I didn't realize you had gone away until you came back with a bang! That's quite some right hook you got there kiddo, I guess you can't complain about all those self-defense classes I made you take in college now huh?

Look just be careful on your own okay? And call me so I know your safe. Take care B.'

I do love that man and I guess its true, the only man you can really trust is your daddy.

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A/N: So, what do we think? I'm not going to promise anything as to timelines or plans cause at the moment its an earworm and it might be doing something but let me know what you think and if you think it's good to continue.

Ta Very Much. Xxx


	2. Chapter the Second

**I own nothing but a rather full library! (never a bad thing!)**

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What I want

Chapter the Second

Leaving London was surprisingly difficult for me to do, I had travelled there so many times for work, but never had the time to just relax and see the sights. I couldn't remember the last time I acted like a tourist in a city like London.

Here's the thing with most big cities, once you've seen one you've seen them all. Sure, there are different historical places and the skyscrapers look different, and there may even be parks in strange places, but they are pretty much thousands of people shoved into a small footprint all going somewhere and getting in each other's way. Especially when you are there for work, no one moves fast enough and your always in a hurry, no time to stop and smell the proverbial roses. I was always like that, to paraphrase W. H Davis 'I had no time to stop and stare.'

And I didn't, usually but this time, this visit was different I wasn't rushing through the airport to get to my car and go on to work I was there as a tourist! I was there to admittedly catch a connection to Spain, but the whole purpose of this visit was to relax and enjoy! No, I wasn't a married woman, and no I wasn't on the honeymoon I was expecting but did that mean that I had to miss things I wanted to see? Well perhaps this time, but I had taken an open-ended leave of absence so why shouldn't I take my time going home and be the tourist I haven't been in years.

What's wrong with being a tourist anyway? By definition you are a tourist if you are a tourist if you are travelling or visiting a place for pleasure. And while I do object to being compared to most annoying loud tourist types, I don't think showing a quiet admiration for a new place or somewhere you've never gotten to explore properly is a bad thing!

With my resolve set, I settled back into my luxurious seat on the plane with my ever-present notebook and began to plan. Of course, I couldn't book things just yet not while flying but I could put things in order, I could decide where I would go after leaving Barcelona. After all it was my money that was paying for this holiday in the first place! Not that I would ever admit that to daddy. Although Jake liked to pretend he was this hotshot lawyer, who could at any point follow in my father's footsteps and take his place in the annals of famous lawyers who end up make protestations of innocence on the steps of the courthouse!

The truth was that Jake just wasn't that good, in the nearly eight years we had been together and the three or so that he had been practicing law at his firm he had never once defended his own case. He had used the connections that both of us had to get himself to a place where he didn't have to work all that had and still had a bit of prestige. It was me who had supported us for all this time, having graduated first and worked my ass off ever since. It was my money that was paying for this honeymoon! That was why we were going to Barcelona in the first place, I made the argument that if I was paying, I was choosing! He didn't really have a leg to stand on and he knew it, didn't even put up that much of a fight. As such I had been able to get away almost with murder, metaphorically speaking of course.

Awaiting me at the airport would be a driver to take me to the hotel and be available to me the whole week that I would be there. Allowing me to travel to place just outside the city without having to drive myself! I had an itinerary that included visits to, Dali's Theatre-Museum, all of Gaudi's houses and the cathedral, a visit to the Madonna at Monserrat, a tour of the old town and a day spent in the Park Gűell doing whatever I wanted! I couldn't wait!

I had travelled before as a child with daddy, but it had been years and you never look on things the same as an adult that you saw as a child. That's why this holiday was so important to me. I was going no matter what anyone said, besides it was all in my name, nothing could stop me.

The plane was relatively full this trip and I had someone sitting just across from me – thank god we had two seats booked and I still had a row to myself – who seemed to take a great interest in my scribbling away, even putting his book down and watching closely as I thought of all the places I was now determined to cram into this break.

'That's either very important or someone has really fucked up.' Came a voice so rich and deep that if I hadn't seen the guy across the aisle I would have though Kevin Sorbo was on the plane with me. (Don't judge you know that guys voice is amazing!)

'Excuse me?' I looked up into bright clear green eyes – the kind everyone thinks comes from contacts – framed with thin black glasses looking at me with a spark of amusement.

'The look on your face, it's very intense but I can't tell if it's good or bad.'

'Who says you have to know?' Now this may seem blunt and slightly rude considering that Daddy raised me to be unfailingly polite to strangers – which has led to more random conversations than you can think of – but consider what I had been through today and the very little patience I had for anyone of the male sex and you may understand my sharpness.

'No-one, but I find people fascinating, and when confined in a small space like this with as many strangers as this and I feel conversation should at least be attempted.'

'Huh… Well in that case it's a bit of both, but if you don't mind I won't be sharing my life story with the entire plane just yet.'

The sparkle in those unbelievable eyes grew brighter, and a smooth chuckle whispered around me. 'Fair enough, I hope though, that the fuck up was fixable at least.' He turned back to the book on the tray table in front of him and drifted in the flow of written words.

'It will be soon enough.' I said quietly to myself and looked back at my list that was growing at a startling rate. Rome, Florence, Venice, St Petersburg, Paris, Normandy, Amsterdam, Hong Kong, Tokyo, New Zealand, and maybe even Australia.

I knew that even though it would make the most amazing holiday I couldn't go to all of these places now but having reawakened my love of travel just for the hell of it, there was no reason not to plan more trips in the future. I just had to work out how to make myself happy again. It had been a long time since that thought had passed through my head. I had spent so long thinking about Daddy and Jake and work and all the other people I thought I owed my time, patience and happiness to, but really the only person I should have been thinking of was me. That's all Daddy ever wanted for me, my happiness.

How strange, it is to think that, to know without a doubt that whatever I do next I know he will support and encourage me just as he always has. I don't know when I forgot that, and it strikes me again just how much I lived for Jake! And why? What made him so much more important than me? And just like that I was angry all over again!

I really hope this whole holiday isn't going to be like this cause if it is, its going to be exhausting!

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A.N: I cannot thank you enough for all the support and love I have gotten for this, you are all amazing! I can't pretend that this will be a regular thing cause to be honest I'm a bit surprised I'm posting again this soon! However, I will try to keep to a somewhat regular schedule. And please tell me if it seems like I'm just rambling, this is all written without a beta at the mo, so its all a bit rough and ready. Hope you enjoyed and see you again soon.


	3. Chapter the Third

Disclaimer: I own not a bleeding thing! I just play with it.

Chapter 3

Touching down in Barcelona was something remembered from childhood, the wide sweep of the plane as it swung out around the bay to come in at the right angle let the whole city spread out before me. Its beautiful precise grid clean and familiar. It had been years since my father brought me here, and even though it wasn't the best trip as he had ended up working in his hotel for most of it. As a child I had been left to the hotel day-care center to look after and the culture my father wanted to share with me fell by the wayside.

But this view I knew, I recognized from the first time. As with all special moments it resonated within and cast me back to that excitement. My first proper grown-up - at the ripe old age of 8 - holiday with Daddy, he had taken time out of his busy schedule because I wanted to go on holiday during the school break and he wanted me to see the world. He always had, it was one of the reasons he had wanted me to take a year out between high school and college, to travel, absorb culture and see everything I could.

I however took after my father far too much and my ambition to get going got in the way. This though I thought wistfully was my chance to fix that. I looked down at the list clutched written hastily as my hands tried to catch up with the ideas tumbling through my head, I had nothing but time on my hands and while I didn't want to take a whole year out there was no reason I couldn't take a little more time before returning to the clusterfuck I had left behind. If I could narrow the list to the top 4 or 5 that would make a month with a week in each place. Plenty of time for things to settle back home and in the mean time I could work out what my next steps were.

I looked back out at the rapidly approaching city with new determination, there was no reason for me not to enjoy this! Nothing to stop me. A certain peace settled over me with this decision, and as I sat back in the comfy seat with the plane touching down, the rich voice of my neighbor washed over me again.

'I hope you have resolved whatever was troubling you before, you look like you have?'

I looked back over at those beautiful eyes, that looked at me with a bright interest not coloured by the things he perhaps though he knew and decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to talk to strangers. I was a big girl and Jake's pulpy face showed that I am more than capable of looking after myself!

'I have, thank you and I'm sorry I was very rude earlier its been a hell of a couple of days.'

'That sounds ominous, however if you're here you're not there and things are always better when you're traveling.' His brow wrinkled for a moment as he paused 'Unless you're traveling for work and then it just sucks all over.' Brought his sage words to a rather more undignified end as the plane touched down with a gentle bump and the captain's announcement came over the tannoy.

'Its not work, I guess you could say I was running away for a while. In my defense though it is desperately needed! And yourself? What brings you to this beautiful place?' I asked as I packed everything that had spread out of my bag during the long flight back in there.

'I travel for work. But it's the exception to the rule that work travel sucks hard because I get paid specifically for traveling! And that just makes it better. I'm Edward by the way, you know just in case you were curious.'

The plane had stopped by now and I was stood with my bag in hand ready to go, but something made me turn back to him.

'I wasn't, but its good to know anyway.'

'Aren't you going to tell me your name?'

'No, if you need to know it, you'll find it. I once heard from … I can't remember who that what's for you won't go by you, and I fully believe that. So maybe I will see you later.' I suppose it was kismet that at that moment the people in front of me began to move and my last glimpse of him was of a surprised and rather delicious lopsided grin.

My mind drifted as I wandered through the airport in the direction of the baggage claim and the scrummage that always forms around the carousel no matter how quickly you get there. Thankfully my bag is one of the first ones to arrive, and I'm on my way through to the chauffeur.

I felt even more justified about my choices when I saw the hotel. Off to one end of La Ramblas, The Cotton House Hotel was stunning, full of history and beautiful décor. Check in was surprisingly easy considering it was only me until I learned that Daddy had already called ahead to make the changes to the reservation. I still had my gorgeous damask suite, with Juliette balconies and so much space, all for me!

I had been incredibly about this hotel the whole time Jake and I have been talking about where to stay, the first time I saw its website I knew I had to stay there both for its history and its location. All of which was confirmed as soon as I stepped back out onto the sidewalk to go and explore the neighborhood. The cool afternoon was slowly melting into the soft evening light and the people wandering calmly through the city were beginning to wander into bars and restaurants all around me for early drinks. I however was far too keyed up to sit quietly, and the further I wandered the less I wanted to stop. Until I found one of the most amazing places I have ever been, a bookshop called 'Llibreria Altaïr.' A travel bookshop that as soon as I entered I knew would allow me to plan the best holiday I had been on in years!

I don't know how long I spent absorbed in that wonder of a shop, having found a generous stack of books relevant to the places on my short list and a comfortable armchair with a small table next to it.

'Well then, I guess you're for me then huh?' drew me out of my reverie, as I prepared to administer a verbal slap down I looked up to find that wonderful quirked grin and those beautiful green eyes looking down on me.

'What are you doing here?'

'You never gave me a chance to say what I did, I'm a travel writer, I have a new book coming out in the next few days and Altaïr asked me to come and do a talk for its release.'

'Oh, um congratulations I guess, um it's a small world isn't it? I'm in publishing too.'

'Really? Why don't you tell me about it over a drink? There are a whole load of great bars around here and its always great to meet others in the business.'

'Thank you, but I'm not here for work, I'm here to escape that really. Its kind of the whole point of this trip, well that and the other thing.'

'Other thing? You know what it's not important, what is, is that I'm inviting you for a drink and you know to tell me your name would be good.'

I smiled, Should I? Was it allowed? I had just run out on my wedding was I allowed to now just 48 hours later go for a drink with this incredibly handsome man? Did I dare and if I did, do I tell him? Or just enjoy myself and see where this goes…

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A/N: This is a bit later this evening than I had planned but here it is. Again this is completely un-beta'ed so please bear with me and i hope you enjoy it. I also apologize if any local knowledge of Barcelona is wrong as it has been about ten years since i have been so please feel free to let me know and i can change it.

thanks and love Evils xxx


	4. Chapter the Fourth

_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_

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What I want 4

My thoughts were spinning through my head and probably all across my face, was I really considering this? And then I stopped, my mind calmed and the answer was clear as crystal in my mind. Jake and I hadn't had a relationship, a real partnership in a long time and I missed that connection to a person, a real live human being and not a scheming, lying, cheating bastard dog! I could do what I wanted, I gave the ring back – Well threw it back really – that meant I had no ties. Besides I was on holiday, wasn't a little romance a good thing?

'I would love to have a drink with you, as long as work doesn't come into the conversation!'

'I'm sure that can be managed.' His gorgeous smile widened, and this adorable little boy look came over his face as he said, 'And do I get to know your name before we get that drink, or do I have to wait till after?'

'I'm Bella, and that's about all you get just now. You will just have to wait for later to find out some more.'

'Ok Bella … Edward Mason, Shall we go? There's a great bar just around the corner.'

'Now? Y-You want to go now?' shocked me out of the stupor hearing his gorgeous voice had put me in. I looked down at my watch and noticed that even though it was Eight o'clock in the evening I was still wide awake and getting hungry! But having said that at home it was only lunchtime. 'Um okay, let me put these away and we can go.' I stood and looked at the piles of books around me loathed to put them all back, cookbooks that made my mouth water, travel books, guide books and maps that had me planning routes through cities I had never been to but were on my list!

I moved things into smaller piles one to go on the shelves and one to take with me, I couldn't just put them away! Some of them had to come home with me. (I was going to need a bigger suitcase though.)

A velvety chuckle rolled over me as large hands took my pile of books from me and set them down on the table. 'It's ok, this happens all the time here, people curl up spend hours here and then want too take half the shop home with them. Let me help you and we can get out of here.'

Together we got through the giant pile of books and up to the desk with the ones I was taking home. Gentleman that he was, he even took my bag off the desk as I was paying to carry it for me.

That evening was a bit of a revelation to me (don't be dirty) I had never been out with a gentleman before apparently. Doors were opened, books were carried, I ordered first, chairs were pulled back for me to sit and the most extraordinary thing was that even though there was an obvious attraction there was no urgency or obvious desperation to get me to bed. The man seemed to genuinely enjoy my company and conversation, not only that but he seemed to want it to continue.

The evening stretched out ahead of us as we left the bar a couple of hours later and the conversation still flowed as easily as it had when we first met, and as we wandered through the Rambles, I slowly came to realize just how much of myself had gone missing and this charming gentleman showed me the streets of Barcelona in the soft evening air.

'So how long are you in the city for?' he asked as the conversation slowed and we headed back in the direction of the original bar and on to my hotel (again, don't be dirty!)

'I have a week here and then I'm off to parts, at this moment unknown.'

'That sounds adventurous, where do you think you want to go?'

'Well I have a list almost as long as my arm of places I want to see, it just depends on the order in which I really want to see them. I think Italy though, I have always wanted to go to Italy and …. certain people of past acquaintance didn't like to travel unless it was for work, so it has stayed on the list for ages.'

'That sounds complicated, persons of past acquaintance, I mean. But Italy is a beautiful place to see. I can totally recommend almost any city to you as a single traveler. Did you have anywhere in mind in particular?'

'It is complicated and not a story for being this sober or this soon into a new association. However, I was thinking either Florence or Rome, maybe both, I think I have the time to do both without missing much. I'm on a leave of absence at the moment so I have no definite plans.'

'They are both great cities, it depends on what you want to see though, Florence is geared more to the medieval, purely because that's when the city had the most development, whereas Rome has more Roman and early architecture and sights. But if you are only doing two cities, they are a good choice.'

'Thank you, I think I might have a look at doing both, just to dip my toe in the water so to speak.' We had reached the bookstore again by now and I really didn't want to say goodnight. The company was just that good, and the conversation was too. He obviously knew Europe well, but he didn't make it all about that, as we had passed an interesting shop or plaza, he would point it out and say why it was important or interesting or pass on a little bit of trivia about it and then continue on with what he was saying.

I had never had a personal tour of a city before, but I came out of it with a much better understanding of where I was and where things were. He had pointed out the Gaudi houses we passed along the way and smiled when I said I would be visiting them the next day. It wasn't long before we reached the hotel again and as I came to a stop in front of the building, he took my hand and kissed the back of it and said, 'Well I hope your journeys go well and maybe we will see each other again some time, Bella Swan.'

As I stood there gobsmacked that he knew who I was, he dropped my hand and wandered of into the darkness of the city, crossing traffic and weaving through the last crowds with the knowledge and ease of a city native.

How does he know who I am? I never told him my surname. I chuckled to myself as I entered the hotel and nodded to the front desk staff as I passed on my way to my room. Hmm Edward Mason, I wouldn't mind running into him again, or getting to know him better. Perhaps I should research more than just places to stay while I wasn't working.

Edward stayed on my mind over the next couple of days as I saw extraordinary things all-over the city and I kept thinking that he was better than all the tour guides I had in all of those places. The only one who came close was the woman who took me for the tour around the old town, her manner was very similar, to just have a conversation with me and occasionally drop in information. Having said that I loved every minute I spent in the city and was looking forward to seeing more cities.

My down time was spent looking up flights and hotels in other countries until I had a rock-solid plan for my month and a half off. First off was Rome, the big city with all its wonderful sights to see and a day trip out to Pompeii was a must! Then up north to Florence, and its beautiful art and architecture. A quick pit stop in Paris to have a look at the Fashion and spend what would probably be hours in the Louvre and finishing up in London just in time for Fashion week with perhaps a really quick trip up to Edinburgh before heading home, Hopefully before my leave was over to give me a few days to make sure that Jake was permanently removed from my house, my life and my work!

I couldn't wait, I had been wanting to do this for years and now finally this was my chance. I called Daddy the evening I finalized my plans and told him what was happening. He couldn't have been happier; his only wish was for me to keep him updated and send him some postcards. I woke up however on the day I was to go to Montserrat Cathedral to a message from him.

'I couldn't be prouder of you Bells, take all the time you need and see everything I always wanted you to see, I'll keep things ticking over here and ready for when you get home. Everything will be fine baby, Have fun!'

What would a girl do without her Daddy?

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A/N: A huge thank you for all of you who are sticking with me, I hope i am doing you justice. This is a little bit later today so I apologize for that and would like to remind you all that this is unbeta'ed so all mistakes are my own, please take it easy on me. Thanks for reading, Evils Xxx


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